Wednesday, 16 March 2016

Why I felt guilty for looking forward to the future...




I sat across a table from my good friend Kat last week, telling her how much I am looking forward to the summer...  how I'm excited about sunshine, holidays, no essays or exams... ahhhh, how lovely. But immediately after my little outburst of excitement, I felt guilty. I felt guilty for saying "I can't wait for summer"... as if I was somehow wishing time away and therefore wasting my precious time on this Earth. 

When I was little, I used to feel like something or someone was listening to every little thing I said or wished for, and that if this mysterious presence overheard me exclaiming how excited I am for the summer months, they would make the time in-between go by in a flash, cut my life short and punish me for being so unappreciative. As I sat across from Kat, one hand curled round my mug of hot chocolate, I was taken back to that angst-ridden time, and felt the urge to correct myself by adding,"but I don't mean to wish the time away of course!" as if to deter this powerful, invisible listener. 

I'm sure many of you will relate to this kind of thinking - I explained it to Kat and she said she was exactly the same growing up. I'm a bit older and wiser now, and have a better handle on mindset. What a shame it would be to not allow myself to look forward to summer! There's a difference between not appreciating time and being excited about the future. And nothing bad is going to happen if I admit to myself that I am looking forward to jetting off the Greece in June and donning a bikini for the first time in yonks! Part of the fun of big events such as holidays, festivals or parties is looking forward to them... I suppose it's kind of like how the build-up to Christmas Day is often the best bit... although having said that I hope my holiday reaches (or surpasses!) my expectations... but anyway you get the gist. 

I feel sorry for past me, feeling bad for looking forward to a school trip to the theatre or a house party - and I don't want present me to feel the same way - guilty for no good reason. Being excited for a future happening doesn't mean I sacrifice all the time in-between and condemn it as time I don't appreciate. So I am looking forward to summer, I am looking forward to going to the beach, I am looking forward to not having to do uni work...  and the list goes on and on! :)

Polly
x

4 comments:

  1. Wow I enjoyed this post so much! I always feel like I'm wishing my weeks away but you're right it is okay to look forward to something x
    Morgan | www.justmorgs.com

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  2. Thank you! I definitely think it's okay and not something we should beat ourselves up about! :) x

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  3. Sometimes the only way to get through is to look forward! I find having something booked really helps me to get through the though times...you definitely shouldn't feel guilty! Personally, I can't WAIT for the weekend...Suitcase and Sandals Blog XX

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    1. Very true! Yep having things to look forward to defo helps a lot when you're feeling down... for example I haven't seen my boyfriend since Sunday and still have a week until I see him, but I'm so excited! And I don't feel guilty for looking forward to seeing him... wooo haha! :) xx

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